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日本語 Guide for Parents by School Psychologists
Posted by: Lisa Filipović (PhD in Education, NCSP)
When frightening or anxiety-inducing events are reported in the news, many children hear about them without adults even realizing it. They might overhear someone talking about it at school, watch videos online, or hear a classmate recounting something they heard at home. By the time parents realize their child knows about the news, the child may have already formed their own interpretation of what happened.
Without context, children and teenagers often misinterpret and fill in the gaps themselves. Young children may assume that something dangerous happening elsewhere could happen to them. Adolescents may see or hear fragmented or exaggerated information through social media or group chats. In both cases, how adults respond greatly influences how young people process what they hear.
As a school psychologist and a parent myself, I’m often asked what parents should actually say in situations like this. Fortunately, these conversations don’t require a perfect explanation. In fact, shorter explanations are often more helpful than longer ones.
One effective approach for a wide range of age groups is the “three sentences” method .
The mechanism is simple. When your child asks you about a sad incident they saw on the news, focus your explanation on these three basic pieces of information.
- What happened?
- Where did it happen, and
- How do adults deal with that?
This structure allows you to convey enough information for children to understand the situation without overwhelming them with too much detail.
For example, if a child asks a parent about a violent incident they saw on the news, the parent might respond: “Someone hurt someone in front of everyone. It happened in another town. Everyone is trying to resolve the incident and help the injured.” This explanation is factual and clear, but it omits graphic descriptions and unnecessary details.
The same structure can be used to explain an event even if it happened within the community or neighborhood where the child lives. However, it is important to reassure the child and acknowledge that the situation occurred close to them. “ This happened in our community, and it might be scary. Now, adults are working hard to ensure that people are safe and to help those affected by the incident.” In such situations, it may be necessary to take the time to allow children to ask questions as they understand and accept what happened, while also providing reassuring and empathetic support.
Conversations tailored to the child’s age
For young children , especially those in the lower grades, this level of explanation is usually sufficient to start a conversation. Children of this age process information one piece at a time. They may listen to a simple explanation, pause to think, and then come back later with another question.
Young children might ask questions like, “Why do people do that?” or “Does that happen here too?” At times like these, the important thing is not to explain every possible reason behind the event, but to answer their questions concisely and reassure them by explaining the measures adults are taking to protect people’s safety. Parents might respond by saying , “Sometimes people do really bad things. That’s why there are rules in the community and people who work to keep everyone safe.”
As children grow , their conversations often change. Older children, around 10 or 11 years old, may already know more about an event than their parents realize. They might have overheard classmates talking about it at school, repeated what a friend said on the bus, or watched short videos about it online.
In such situations, it can be helpful for parents to first ask their children what they heard. Asking questions like , “What did everyone say at school?” or “Did you hear anything about that incident?” can help parents understand what information their children are trying to process. By asking questions, parents can also gently correct any misunderstandings their children may have.
Children of this age begin to compare what they hear from different sources. They might say things like , “My friend said it could happen anywhere,” or “I heard the incident isn’t over yet.” These kinds of statements provide an opportunity for parents to support their children as they calm down and think about the information realistically.
When children enter middle school , conversations about the news often change again. Teenagers encounter more information through social media, group chats, and conversations with their peers. Conversations may begin with opinions, concerns, and emotional reactions formed from what they’ve seen online.
At this stage, parents often find it helpful to move from simply describing events to talking together. Instead of giving a long explanation, parents might say something like , “I saw that news too. What did you see or hear?” This approach encourages children to share their thoughts and helps parents understand how events are being interpreted.
Middle school students may begin asking deeper questions about fairness, safety, or why events happen in the world. Instead of trying to answer every question immediately, parents should recognize that the topic is complex and allow time for the conversation to continue.
By the time they turn 13 , many young people are actively following the news themselves. They may encounter detailed reports, commentaries, and discussions through social media platforms. Teenagers may also feel pressured to stay up-to-date on what their peers are talking about.
Often, the parent’s role at this stage shifts from explaining events to supporting teenagers in processing and evaluating the information they encounter. Instead of starting with an explanation, parents might begin by asking questions out of curiosity: “What did you hear about it?” or “What do you think about the incident?”
These kinds of interactions help teenagers develop critical thinking skills and emotional perspectives. For some teenagers, talking about the news can lead to discussions about broader issues such as justice, safety, or leadership and community responsibility.
Regardless of age , the parent-child relationship plays a crucial role in how these conversations unfold. Some children immediately ask many questions, while others quietly process the information and return to the topic later. Among teenagers, some speak frankly about what they’ve seen online, while others appear indifferent but are actually absorbing the information.
Most importantly, children and teenagers know they have a trustworthy adult who will calmly respond when they bring up difficult topics. When parents listen without panicking or ignoring them, young people understand that these conversations are safe.
Whether your child is 6 or 16, one message can make a big difference: they can always talk to you, their parent, if they are confused or anxious about something they hear in the world .
[LC1] If the event occurred within the community or neighborhood, is there anything to say? Even when using the same format of explanation, I think we need to be aware that there may be other things to consider if children or the community are directly affected.